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I'VE REPLACED MY OLD WINDBAG AUTOBIOGRAPHY WITH SOMETHING MUCH MORE SIMPLE THAT YOU CAN ALL APPRECIATE, SHOULD YOU EVER BE NOSTALGIC ENOUGH TO GOOGLE MY SECOND LIFE NAME.
MID 2006 - Proteus Hand was created and griefed sandboxes with his group, the Sky Raiders, before getting royally bitch slapped by Ordo in its
larval form, the AN II Metapod form, the Venuma Coalition. After that, he joined the Merczateers, and became a pretty cool guy .
LATE 2006 - Proteus Hand becomes pretty important in the Merczateers and people start to like him because everyone else has aspergers and he doesn't, immediately making him the charismatic lovechild of Winston Churchill and the Old Spice Guy.
EARLY 2007 - Merczateers and Alliance Navy go to war because the Superbowl Halftime Show featuring Prince caused the colorful high command of the AN to go absolutely berserk.
MID 2007 - Lurdan Huszar and Anthony Lehane stopped paying attention to things, so Proteus and Ethan Schuman are basically running the Merczateers while Lehane pays for it at this point. Later, Proteus starts paying attention to school more, and is no longer High Command material because he's absent most of the time. This makes him butthurt so he leaves to join Ordo, because he's been put under the impression that he'll get an officer position back after getting some kind of training there (because Ethan somehow thought it was better). Consequentially, there were no plans of readmitting Proteus as an officer, so he left Ordo, created a massive shitstorm in the Merczateers amongst the grunt pool, about 90 people resigned, and then they decided that if they were going to let that Proteus guy back on the premesis again, they were going to have to execute him. (Don't you love how that shit works?)
LATE 2007 - Instead of executing Proteus, they just told him to go spy on the Alliance Navy, so he did. Also while they were doing this, Avil Creeggan was turning the Merczateer's base into french toast because he and Proteus had some maximum bro wavelength going on at the time. Later, Ethan Schuman, no longer having anyone to argue with aside from Lurdan, pretty much argued his way directly out of the Merczateers and directly into the Ordo. We're not exactly sure of the particulars of it, because somewhere around that time everyone stopped paying attention to him, and started paying attention to Christoph.
EARLY 2008 - After being back in black for about a month, Proteus and Alice Mirabeau had decided that they didn't particularly like one another. For that reason, Proteus left to go create an army of Space Vikings, and then took over the Merczateers website and turned it into an anonymous forum for discussing why Alice was dumb and had cooties. THIS WAS EVIDENTLY ALL IT TOOK TO GIVE HER VIETNAM LEVEL NIGHT TERRORS AND RESIGN.
MID 2008 - Space Vikings died because Proteus spent all of his money on two sims and never did anything with either of them. Then he rejoined the Merczateers and they stomped all over every goddamn thing until every goddamn thing hated them.
LATE 2008 - LATE 2009 : Pretty much the same as above except Proteus started dating Hime Sak and pretty much did what he said because if he didn't, she'd cry. Also, Vanguard died and nobody paid any attention to Christoph for a while.
EARLY 2010 - Vanguard came back to life somewhere around this point in time and they joined up with the Anvil Coalition, because the Ordo and the Merczateers had been collectively sodomizing everything that even looked like they could put up a fight. Proteus had fun with this, and gradually fuelled his frustrations with the Anvil Coalition (the recently unionized sodomy-recievers) intolarge campaigns of questionable ethics in action .
MID - LATE 2010 - Hime decided that she was coocoo for cocoa cocks, and so Proteus broke it off with her. The resounding grief and depression spiraled the angsty teen into an indefinite hiatus of hallucinogenic drug use. In doing so, he relinquished his position in the Merczateers, and at some point, decided to recreate his army of Space Vikings, the Fabled of Arkhein. He occasionally logs on second life still, and has vowed that if his attempts to create Arkhein are unsuccessful by the release of Elder Scrolls V : Skyrim, he will dismantle Arkhein and rejoin another military, probably the Merczateers.